My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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