So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize