she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
