Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
