i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
