Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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