What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
then he tried to convert me to islam
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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