I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
