I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
