did you get engaged???
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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