It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
