Someone shit on the floor
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
