Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I smell like Dick and happiness
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
