I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
