Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
