Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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