in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
