Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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