covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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