I think I died a long time ago.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
