I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
