There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Randomize
