she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
