everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Thank you for not boning my boss.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
