He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
