You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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