we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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