you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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