youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
