i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize