Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
