Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
