Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
