If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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