THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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