No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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