Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
