I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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