I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
