i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
