Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
