Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
