i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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