Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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