I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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