Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
