He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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