Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
