Got a toothbrush?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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