After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
