a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize