Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
