But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
