do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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