im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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