We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
