So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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