Fine. I'll sleep in my office
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
