i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
