he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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