Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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