I can tuck mytits in my pants
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
