He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
