You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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