Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
