have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize