Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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