wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
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