I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
