Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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