I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
