I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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