The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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