So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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